Where the Figawi?

Midtown-

Alright you proles, I staying fifteen minutes past the open and then I gotta jump on a bird to Nantucket for Figawi. No I'm not sailing in it- that's for chumps. Yes I have a boat (have we met? Hi, I'm Charles. Don't fiddle with the radio and try not to scratch it.), but bobbing around for hours upon hours in the fog with a bunch of sausages with no more sailing experience than blowing off a gut course in celestial navigation 20 years ago really isn't as fun as it sounds. Trust me- there's always some a$$hole who insists they have a chance of winning the f*cking thing and wants everyone to remain sober. Screw that- I can barely get my sea legs without a stiff Dark n' Stormy for ballast. And none of that crappy ginger beer neither. Gotta be Barritt's- something else you learn when your pledge father is Bermudian.

Speaking of which, Rottencrotch: Dude- you have to stop calling me "dude" in the office. HR is completely up my a$$ for not hiring that black chick, who was hot and better qualified than you by the way. They have no idea we were fraternity brothers, much less that you were my pledge son. Now I appreciate the fact that you always show up, even if you looking like you just came from from f*cking Burning Man. While you may not be useful puking in a waste basket, and you tend to leave some residue from your morning, erm, "coffee", on the toilet paper holder, it is good for morale and builds teamwork. Eventually you'll get the idea of what it is like to actually add value to a firm beyond winning the longest drive contest at the client outing so we don;t have to pay out on the prize. Kinda crappy we have to have it at a public course, even if it is Bethpage, but limiting your pool of investors to those who would be welcome at some of the nicer clubs is tantamount to suicide. The things we put up with, right?

So here's the drill for today: DON'T. F*CK. IT. UP. Sit on your hands, play defense, only close positions, only with VWAP algos. Do that, and with any luck you'll make the Cannonball out to that decrepit share house in effing Montauk you keep blathering on about. Trust me- the place isn't new. It's been there for generations for people who know what the f*ck they are doing on the water- not for a bunch of jackasses who can't get into the Maidstone or Shinnecock.